A rather smart friend of mine told me that if I want to get back into running I must first do it for fun and then build on it with the addition of a sentence that really sank home:
"Stop setting yourself up for failure, temper your goals."
This has turned out to be some great advice.
My regular readers will remember a post I wrote at the beginning of the year called GUCR 2015 and other ramblings and my breakdown in 2013 Depression, running and its aftermath and the problems that for now are hidden away but as I have noticed recently they are only a tear drop away.
I have noticed that my drive to run is as obsessive as it was and tells me that is was more a symptom of my depression and was an escapism to get away from my rambling, cyclical thinking and weary mind. In fact it was a self-fulfilling prophecy which in turn made me tired physically whilst my churning thoughts battled with it to make me tired leading to the symptoms of stress and tiredness, a perfect storm.
These days I think of the opportunity to run again and start making plans to train, some weeks ago I buckled under peer pressure by some friends to run the Gatliff Marathon (31-37 miles) but had to be realistic when whilst running on 2nd August 2015 ran about a mile and had to pull out as my breathing was horrendous.
Some of my running peer group post on social media mellifluous and ubiquitous "motivational quotes" and rally people to races which I jump at and then realise that I have no hope in hell to complete the event with my current level of [un]fitness. I have learned not to enter any "long" races until at least I have had a 24 hour cooling off period and know in my heart of hearts I will not be fit enough for Gatliff this year. This and my embarrassment to actually be seen in running kit which stretches over my ever growing stomach known as the middle-aged spread confirming my dread that there is a very long way to go before I am fit enough to even contemplate a return, if at all and as the great Yoda said:
"Do or do not, there is no try"
I feel that I should stop fooling myself and for the time being not even try.